Mama said there'd be days like this

So my sweet Sarah is maybe sick again. I say maybe because she's not eating or drinking normally and is generally whiny, but is playing pretty normally. Anyhow, I'm keeping an eye on her and may take her to the doctor in the morning.

I've often looked back on this past year in awe that I actually made it. We tried so very hard to get pregnant (and stay that way for a while) and I was so happy to be pregnant and deliver Sarah, even if it was 4 weeks early. Now my sister is pregnant, and I"m starting to go through those first few months over in my head.

In the hospital, she had trouble keeping her temperature up despite the warm swaddle they had her in. Instead of putting her in the NICU again to keep her warm, I requested that we try kangaroo care first. I'll never forget the feeling of her skin on mine. With her like that, she stayed warm enough. We spent hours like that. She would nurse, sleep, and just look around, all the while soaking up her mama's warmth and love.

I remember the very first time I saw her, and I heard her cry. I cried just as hard because I was so grateful. She was healthy; tiny, but healthy. I remember getting up at night to pump breastmilk for her, and continuing on even when it was hard, painful, and I just wanted to mix her some formula and call it a day. I remember crying because she was crying, and crying because I was so happy.

This past year has definitely had it's ups and downs. Becoming a mother while still in graduate school is the hardest thing I've ever done. I can honestly say, though, that every time I look at Sarah, it is all worth it. When she snuggles close, gives me a kiss, or just laughs at me for being silly with her, I know it's worth it. She is my everything, and even my hardest days with her are better because they're with her. 

Sarah 7 months old

Sarah 7 months old